The Long Kiss Goodnight

Published

June 5, 2024

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Both reflecting and challenging 1996’s Hollywood tropes

The Long Kiss Goodnight is a high point in the mid 90’s rough waters. Geena Davis, Samuel L. Jackson, Renny Harlin, and Shane Black all find amazing ways to shine, while also subverting Hollywood’s tropes. They are mostly successful.

Listen, is there a helicopter out of nowhere? YES. Does it cut to the White House out of nowhere? YES. Does it make literal sense throughout? No. But 2 out of 3 isn’t bad.

Also: Drinking Games, “Signs you might be a Great Bad movie if…”, Important Questions, Joe’s Back of the Box, and more.

Joe’s Back of the Box

Samantha (Geena Davis) is your garden variety school teacher and homemaker living the American dream. Except she cannot remember her life past eight years ago… A car crash one snowy night kicks loose some terrifying memories of her life. With the help of a private detective (Samuel L. Jackson,) she slowly uncovers her violent past as an assassin for the CIA.

Bodies pile up as they uncover a terrorist plot. Can Samantha (now Charly,) put all the pieces together in time to save her family and the country from catastrophe? In this explosive shoot em up, all your questions will be answered.

The REAL Back of the Box

This might be the third best Christmas movie ever made, behind Die Hard 1 and Die Hard 2. This movie could easily live in the Die Hardiverse or the last Boy Scoutiverse. Witty 80s and 90s banter pelts the viewers with a strong cast of (pretty miserable) characters who don’t like each other and you don’t really like either.

There’s some fun action scenes and some genuine explosions, only slightly enhanced by CGI. All in all, it is a fun movie with a big asterisk for when it was made and who wrote the script.